All I felt was shame and nothing else. I felt ashamed, I felt like it was not ok to say it.
He was my best friend, he still is my “friend”. We grew up together, and I started to have feelings for him, he didn’t responded me, and he said that it was all because “he loved me too much”. And I believed it, so we continued the relationship above friends but not lover. Then one night, he showed up outside of my house, all drank and messed, crying and yelling that he love me, he love me so much, and he ripped off all my clothes, the next thing I know, I was raped. It was painful, it was my very first time, and it was in the kitchen with my mouths covered so that my parents won’t find out.
I was not able to tell anyone about it. I mean what can I do? He said he was drank, and he didn’t know what he was doing, it was love. And if I tell anyone, I will be ruined. Because of my conservative family, my parents believe that you can only have sex after marriage. I wasn’t even able to tell them.
And because of my weakness, every time I see him, I have to go through the same awful memory over and over, I am STUCK.
Deep inside, I know all I wanted is an APOLOGY, I wanted the TRUTH. we can’t just deny it, inside, we have to acknowledge it happened, and made people here our voice. #NotGuilty