By an Anonymous Contributor
I was 14 years old. I was dating my first boyfriend, and we were hanging out with the same group of people. No alcohol, no drugs, just a few kids playing basket and listening to music.
I had a fight with my boyfriend and we were missing a ball, so I offered to get one from my flat. This one guy offered to come with me. We were friends, I had known him for over a year.
In the building he asked to see a room in the garage where some people from our group sneak to make out. Showed him. No problem.
We got into the lift and he just took out his penis as started pushing my head down to suck him off. I didn’t want to. I said no. He kept insisting and pushing saying things like “You knew what we were coming here for”, “Don’t be a tease and finish what you started”, and the magic combination “Otherwise I will tell everyone you did it anyway and what a whore you are”.
I was 14 and I already seen what happened to the girls that got the “slut” tag on them, whatever real or not. It was always juicer to believe it was true.
I let him push it inside my mouth like 2 times then the lift ride was over. I was shaken by this. We walked inside my parents flat, took the ball, I took the stairs down and he acted like it never happened.
Funny thing, one day when I was 18-19, I got really drunk and could not stop crying. My friends and boyfriend were scared.
I woke up next morning and just remembered this. I don’t know how or when but at some point my mind blocked it.
I was with my boyfriend for 6 years and he was shocked when I told him this, asking why I never told him before. He even knew some of the people involved.
I just “forgot” all about it at some point, never remembered until that morning.
I felt ashamed and guilty, as I let him do it at the end, and except that morning that I remembered it I never told anyone else about it… it wasn’t until I was 24 that my little cousin was abused that I talked about it again… with her.
After that, I have became more familiar with the fact that he forced me with blackmail and threats into it, and that is also violence, but I still feel ashamed and worried someone will think it was on me. However I try to overcome it and discuss it to help the victim stigma go away.