Shared Stories

Turnabout

By Eva

I remember 8 shots

I remember not wanting to take the 9th

I don’t remember when I stopped 

I remember blinding lights

I remember melted ice cream

I don’t remember eating it

I remember laughing 

I remember incoherent sentences 

I don’t remember what I said

I remember kissing her

I remember not liking it

I don’t remember asking to do it again

I remember texting her

I remember saying I love you

I don’t remember what else I said

I remember more bright lights 

I remember the painting at the top of the steps

I don’t remember walking up them

I remember the oak night stands

I remember my phone layed on the one to the left

I don’t remember why I went upstairs 

I remember her turning on the music 

I remember a white sheet of paper

I don’t remember why it appeared 

I remember my bra was off

I remember theirs were too

I don’t remember how we got that way

I remember I had no clothes 

I remember they didn’t either

I don’t remember how we got that way

I remember remembering a yes

I remember not wanting to be there

I don’t remember saying yes

I remember time moving to slow

I remember a pungent smell

I don’t remember why

I remember wanting to leave

I remember I didn’t

I don’t remember why

I remember being dressed

I remember not having my socks

I don’t remember getting dressed

I remember texting her

I remember her not answering 

I don’t remember how I got my phone

I remember darkness 

I remember cold stone

I don’t remember going down the stairs

I remember sleeping in a large bed

I remember wanting to leave

I don’t remember getting into the bed

I remember 3 am

I remember her taking away my phone

I don’t remember where it went

I remember waking up before everyone else

I remember leaving the bed

I didn’t remember why

I remember showering 

I remember not being able to find a hairbrush 

I didn’t remember why

I remember avoiding the downstairs 

I remember finding my socks

I didn’t remember why

I remember finding the ice cream

I remember not really helping clean up

I didn’t remember why

I remember leaving as fast as I could

I remember an empty vodka bottle next to me

I didn’t remember why

I remember driving away

I remember a text

I remembered why

I am 17 and I see the girl who did this to me every day in history. I have yet to tell my girlfriend because she herself just experienced a rape. The girl who did this doesn’t know I don’t remember. I have never felt so alone before.

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