At the age of 8, I was molested. It was the local tailor down the road who would mend my clothing and my mothers. I remember how when my mother wasn’t looking or went for a fit on he would pull me aside and grab my crotch, he would grip my arm tightly so that I couldn’t get away. He would then proceed to pat my crotch and repeatedly chant “Good girl”. I did not realize I was molested because I was never given the “talk” about it. The reason why my molestation came to light was because I told my sister who was four years my senior, that I didn’t like the way he was touching me. That it was hurting me. My sister asked me where and all I did was look down. My mother proceeded to confront him to which he denied the accusations. I remember thinking at the time, why is he lying? Why can’t he just tell the truth?
Six years later and I still see him everyday when I go to school. He always smiles at me like he knows how he made me feel so violated, and it makes me sick. Sometimes I have nightmares that he will be back for me, or that everything will be repeated once again. Some days, I cry when my family or friends aren’t around and other days I feel like I’ve moved on. But, I always spiral down into feeling guilty. I always wonder if I could have prevented it from happening if I knew sooner about molestation. I could have avoided months of repeatedly being molested. Months. Only my family and my best friend know about it, but I hate the pitied looks I get when I tell them how troubled I feel. I don’t want that. I don’t want pity. Pity can’t restore my dignity.
I know other girls, boys, women and men have worse stories. But, after watching Lone Wells do a Ted talk on sexual assault I decided to share my story to others. I hope whoever reads this has hope, do not let them get to you. Whenever I still see my attacker I keep my head up high and walk a little taller because I know he can never make me feel like that again. I pray for those of you that have been sexual assaulted, that you will find hope and keep smiling despite how they made you feel. Don’t let them bring you down. Ever again.