Shared Stories

#NotGuilty Reaching Out To Other Survivors

“Only last week whilst commuting in London during rush hour, I found myself distressed when a man put his hand on my back side and then in one sudden movement his fingers between my legs. At first I tried to justify it – busy tube, an accident, but when I turned to see who attached to the hand I looked to see a smiling face back at me. I was so embarrassed the only thing I did was ask him to ‘move it now’! I regret not making more of an example to try to humiliate him … either way, I felt violated and finding myself panicked when getting back on a busy tube (not easy as I live and work in London). So I am so proud of being part of #notguilty as why should WE suffer this form of abuse!” – Anonymous

“My attacker was someone who I have known for a long time, someone who I have cared for deeply and always trusted. I was in many ways naïve, and too trusting, and I am still trying to not blame myself. Which is crazy, I know what happened isn’t my fault, yet I still find it so hard to not feel guilt. I don’t even feel guilt for myself, but for all my friends and family who have been hurt by this to. When it was happening, I tried to fight him off, but after only a few minutes I gave up and just went into a massive state of shock I guess. After he left, I lay there for a while not really wanting to accept what had happened. So I didn’t accept it, I went into denial for a while, but it got to a point where I couldn’t handle it any longer, I needed support. My family were amazing (bar a few small minded people) and they have really helped me. Telling them was a huge relief and I recommend anyone to do the same.

I went to the glade in Worcester (a rape crisis centre) and was questioned for what felt like hours but I got through it and the people there was honestly amazing. I decided not to report him to the police for now, as I am only 16 and I am in the middle of my GCSE’S, so the added stress of that would not be helpful.
I am, in my opinion, a very strong person, but this has pretty much broken me, at the start I was in a state of shock and confusion and rarely said a word, but I soon came to a realisation of what happened, and it hit me like a truck. I have never felt so empty in my life, it feels like nothing will ever fill that void, but I hope in time it will. To be honest I can’t put into words how I properly feel, but all I know it has ruined a large part of my life. I would love to still be my confident outgoing self, but I no longer am. When I go out in public, my breathing becomes a very difficult situation and I feel so weak. I think that’s what gets me most, is how weak I feel.

But I have read many of stories posted on here and I feel more hopeful that if so many women can move forward, then I can too. I feel inspired by many and hope I can be as strong as them some day, and I’m sure I will.” – Olivia 

One thought on “#NotGuilty Reaching Out To Other Survivors

  1. We agree, the word ‘rape’ can be triggering. We’ve debated this point at CIS, and the consensus is that while this is undeniably true for some people, there are certain campaign messages that need to be made emphatically without ambiguity. ‘Sex without consent is rape’ is one of those messages. Non-consensual sex is rape. And because many men and women don’t get the truth of that we feel we have to say it, in clear and simple language. And because non-consensual sex is rape, it’s therefore a criminal act, and should have serious legal consequences. Thanks for your comments.

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