Shared Stories

“I am not alone with this anymore and you are not going to make me suffer”

By Han W. 

I am not the one to blame for my rape in 2009 and I need to remember that. The stranger was clever in the way he made me think it was my fault and the texts afterwards, and a year later, made it seem like he was not in the wrong. He was powerful and that attack has stayed with me. I wonder if it affects him?! I blocked it out, did not dare tell many people. Then years later I develop seizures from the trauma, my body and brain telling me I cannot be in control of this. I need to deal with it. I have had to quit my teaching job, get therapy and tell people close to me. I am mentally ill and pysically exhausted from the non-epileptic seizures. This is effecting not only me but my family. I am angry. I have understood a lot more about assault and the effects of it over the last year and it is never the victims fault. I blamed myself for going to his room but I never wanted sex, I was crying and screaming and he never stopped or was concerned. He knew what he was doing that October night. Luckily I did not catch an STI and had to take the morning after pill to prevent pregnancy. I have told the police six years on. They have been so supportive and helpful. Victim support have been great in providing me with an alarm and helping me apply for compensation due to loss of earnings. I hope we catch you, but I am not alone with this anymore and you are not going to make me suffer.

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