By Nikki
TW: Rape, Drugs, Violence
I grew up being molested by my drug addicted father. At age 16 I lost my virginity through rape. I was attacked by 3 strange men when I was swimming at the community pool. I did press charges although it never made it to an actual trial. It rocked my world and shattered my trust.
The way I coped was different than some assume I should have behaved. I had this ‘I don’t care about anything’ mentality. I drank, did drugs, and became promiscuous. It was easier to let it happen then say no and be raped anyway.
I coped as best as I could. Things were starting to get better. I fell head over heels in love with a Marine. I thought he was the one. But as time went on things changed. He would check up on me at work. Assaulted a male coworker I was talking to out of jealousy. He would hit me, slap, punch, choke, throw me around, and destroy my spirit. He threw me into a hot shower for wearing too much makeup. Sexually when I would say no he would say “that word doesn’t exist for you, you’re mine and I’ll do what I want with you”. He would rape me, let his friends rape me, and constantly tell me I was lucky to have him because no one wants a raped slut. I believed him, and I stayed. One night things got particularly bad. I left and never returned. I went into hiding, and had counselling which truly saved my life.
Rape led me to this downward spiral of pain. But I refuse to let that define me. I am a strong woman. I am a beautiful soul, a loving girlfriend, a loyal daughter, a fun sister. I am an animal lover, painter, poet, student, and advocate. I am more than a rape statistic. I am a survivor.