Shared Stories

Two Contributors Talk About Self-Blame

There was a time I let go of myself….I had broken up with a long term partner but enjoyed feeling single again. I had my family & friends and with that came a great social life. On one typically great night out I met a man. He was tall, freckled and Irish. I didn’t need to know much about him and I told him enough about me for him to be interested that one evening. One thing led to another and before I knew it the sun was up, numbers were swapped and I was leaving. A while passed before we unintentionally bumped into one another again at a local bar. A similar night awaited us only this time he pulled up at my house a couple of hours later. A lot had been drunk that evening but it was clear what was about to be laid out on the table. However, I blacked out. When I woke up the next day, he was quick to leave. I went to get tea before remembering that he wanted to have sex without a condom and I said no. Surely it was left just like that? Literally, within minutes my phone was bleeping. I received a text saying to take the morning after pill. This 27 year old man, after being told I did not want to have sex with him without a condom, had gone and put a condom on, only to pull it off when I wasn’t looking. Such a situation makes it difficult to understand who should be blamed in today’s society. I took the blame. I laughed it off with friends but felt terribly stupid and violated beneath. What could I do? I didn’t know so I left it but realised many years later that I wasn’t alone and there are a number of women out there who have suffered the same fate I have but never had the courage to talk about it.

By an Anonymous Contributor to the campaign

My first time was a rape when I was 17 nearly 18. This had been my first experience with a guy. I was confused I didn’t tell my parents or friends till a few months had passed. And since around 18 till 25 or 26 I was floating from one abusive relationship to the other. Maybe in some ways I thought I deserved it the first assault because I met the guy or how I was dressed. I eventually got counselling in a rape crisis centre. Which helped another I stopped hating myself met my current partner and I am currently setting up my own business.

By an Anonymous Contributor to the campaign

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